Quiz 4: Revising Business Messages


June 9, 200x Ms. Bonnie Jeffers First Trust Guaranty, Inc. 1359 North Grand Avenue Walnut, CA 91790 Dear Ms. Jeffer, We are in appreciation of the fact that you have shown patience with us during the time of our merger with Capital One. Pursuant to our telephone conversation this morning, this is to advise that two (2) agent's packages will be delivered to you by next week due to the fact that new forms had to be printed. We do not have them immediately available. Although we cannot offer a 50/50 commission split, we are able to offer new agents a 60/40 commission split. There are two new agreement forms that show this commission ratio. When you get ready to sign up a new agent have her fill in these up to date forms. When you send me an executed agency agreement, please make every effort to tell me what agency package was assigned to the agent. On the form that you sent you overlooked this information. We need this information to distribute commissions in an expeditious manner. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call on me. Yours very sincerely, Brian Simpson Senior Sales Manager

Following are the correction required: 1) state-of the-art 2) work-related 3) equally 4) their 5) had only 6) point-by-point 7) their 8) spur-of-the-moment 9) comparison 10) well-thought-out 11) change-of-address 12) case-by-case 13) were nearer 14) bad 15) smoothly

img . It is better to spend time in proof reading rather than sending a wrong document. We should only let the person know in advance that the delivery will miss the deadline and explain the reason properly to him/her. In the larger sense, people can adjust getting the delivery late but cannot stand a wrong delivery.