Deck 11: Creating Intimate Relationships

Question 1

Which of the following was true of love in 19th-century America?

A) Love was considered a duty that often followed marriage.
B) Lovers were very closed and unemotional.
C) Lovers shared a single identity, often describing themselves as halves of a single self.
D) Lovers were careful never to criticize one another or themselves.

Answer 1

C

Question 2

Which of the following was characteristic of the values that were associated with interpersonal communication in the mid 1960s-1970s (Kidd's vision 2)?

A) Togetherness
B) Self-sacrifice
C) Avoiding conflict
D) Open communication

Answer 2

D

Question 3

Which of the following was characteristic of the way people viewed relationships in the 1950s and early 1960s (Kidd's vision 1)?

A) People should be creative even if it meant deviating from social norms.
B) People should be themselves by expressing all feelings honestly.
C) Personal freedom was important.
D) People should ignore their own interests to make others happy.

Answer 3

D

Question 4

Which is NOT a characteristic of communication norms in the mid-1970s to late 1980s (Kidd's vision 3)?

A) Seek as much autonomy as possible.
B) Focus on making the relationship work through negotiation.
C) Draw boundaries around when and where to deal with conflict and schedule time for the expression of feelings.
D) Stress equality and a sense of balance in the relationship.

Question 5

According to Shibles and Zastrow, the three primary components that people use to perceive themselves as being in love are:

A) an interaction event, positive self-talk, and emotional arousal.
B) inclusion, control, and affection needs.
C) similarity, complementary needs, and social approval.
D) vision 1, vision 2, and vision 3.

Question 6

Which of the following is the first filter people use to evaluate each other's attractiveness?

A) Pre-interaction cues
B) Interaction cues
C) Sociological/incidental cues
D) Cognitive cues

Question 7

Geena decides Cleavon is not attractive because he dominates the conversation and talks about topics she finds boring. She has used which filter to eliminate him?

A) Pre-interaction cues
B) Interaction cues
C) Sociological/incidental cues
D) Cognitive cues

Question 8

Lydia and Ivan never had a chance to form a relationship because they never met. He's from Ukraine and she's from Southern California. Which filter eliminated them as potential romantic partners?

A) Pre-interaction cues
B) Interaction cues
C) Sociological/incidental cues
D) Cognitive cues

Question 9

Chris has a strong need to be included in every social event, even when he finds the people there unattractive. Chris has which of the following interpersonal needs?

A) Inclusion
B) Control
C) Affection
D) Bonding

Question 10

Sarah needs other people to make decisions for her. She interacts with people in the hopes that they will dominate her. Sarah has which of the following interpersonal needs?

A) Inclusion
B) Control
C) Affection
D) Disconfirmation

Question 11

Which of the following stages would one normally expect a couple developing a romantic relationship to go through first?

A) Intensifying
B) Experimenting
C) Bonding
D) Circumscribing

Question 12

Which of the following stages is the first stage in the dissolving of an intimate relationship?

A) Stagnating
B) Terminating
C) Avoiding
D) Differentiating

Question 13

A person who goes out with someone to make his or her primary partner jealous is using which secret test?

A) Indirect suggestion
B) Separation
C) Endurance
D) Triangle test

Question 14

A person who asks his or her partner to do all kinds of favors just to see how far the other can be pushed and how dedicated the other is to the relationship is using which secret test?

A) Indirect suggestion
B) Separation
C) Endurance
D) Triangle test

Question 15

When one person jokingly refers to the relationship getting serious in order to see how his or her partner responds, this person is using which secret test?

A) Indirect suggestion
B) Separation
C) Endurance
D) Triangle test

Question 16

Bonding is:

A) a negative inescapable spiral.
B) a stage in the dissolution of a relationship.
C) the public legitimization of a relationship.
D) a paradoxical injunction.

Question 17

Marcellina and Jerry have worked hard to keep their relationship from going stale while at the same time repeating familiar patterns. They have successfully resolved which dialectical tension?

A) Autonomy-togetherness
B) Novelty-predictability
C) Inclusion-control
D) Punctuation

Question 18

Couples who solve the autonomy-togetherness dialectic by going through periods of togetherness and then separating for a while are using:

A) topical segmentation.
B) cyclic alternation.
C) moderation.
D) reframing.

Question 19

Couples who solve the autonomy-togetherness dialectic by choosing autonomy in some activities and togetherness in other arenas are using:

A) topical segmentation.
B) cyclic alternation.
C) moderation.
D) reframing.

Question 20

Which is NOT one of the ways couples bias their perceptions of intimate relationships?

A) They underestimate attitude similarity between themselves and partners.
B) They perceive their own relational communication as more positive than their partner does.
C) They differ in their perceptions of who makes important family or relational decisions.
D) None of the above; all are ways couples bias perceptions.

Question 21

Which is true of the dating system named "calling"?

A) It first occurred in the mid-1920s.
B) It discriminated against the poor because it could only be used by middle- and upper-class people who could afford telephones.
C) It gave couples tremendous freedom to experiment with sex and romance.
D) It took place in the home under the watch of chaperones.

Question 22

Kitchen-sinking is:

A) failing to keep a conflict specific by throwing all grievances into a single fight.
B) asking your partner for further feedback during a conflict.
C) showing interdependence and respect during a conflict.
D) using common, everyday language to express yourself rather than nonimmediate language.

Question 23

Gunnysacking is:

A) breaking up a conflict into small, easily managed units.
B) analyzing each conflict after it has occurred to see what you can do better in the future.
C) failing to confront problems when they come up.
D) ambushing a person by making him/her think you have something positive to say and then criticizing the person harshly.

Question 24

Which is NOT a good rule to follow in giving effective feedback?

A) Don't apologize for your feelings.
B) Make your message as general and nonspecific as possible.
C) Make sure your verbal and nonverbal messages match.
D) None of the above; that is, all are good rules to follow.

Question 25

Owning your own message means:

A) if you can't say something positive, don't say anything at all.
B) you should never say anything to someone that you yourself would not want to hear.
C) you should avoid attributing your own messages to others and should say "I feel" or "I think" when expressing your own opinions.
D) you should use a unique, individual language style.

Question 26

When Alistar responds, "Is there anything else I could do to improve my performance?" after his boss identifies three areas of work deficiency, Alistar is using a technique known as:

A) indirect suggestion.
B) negative inquiry.
C) gunnysacking.
D) assimilation.

Question 27

Which of the following is not a strategy for resolving dialectic tensions?

A) Cyclic alteration
B) Assimilation
C) Reframing
D) Disqualification

Question 28

When "two people work out what they want, what they believe, what they hope for each other," Fulghum describes this as:

A) intimacy readiness.
B) indirect suggestion.
C) relational symbols.
D) covenant talk.

Question 29

Which of the following would not be considered a relational symbol?

A) Nicknames
B) "Our song"
C) Engagement ring
D) None; each of the above is a relational symbol.

Question 30

Flirting is an example of which communication behavior found in the intensifying stage?

A) Indirect suggestion
B) Separation test
C) Endurance test
D) Triangle test

Question 31

Which of the following is NOT suggested by Berzon as a way members of both same-sex and opposite-sex dyads should assign roles:

A) Design roles to take into account both partners' interests, skills, and personalities.
B) Conform as closely as possible to traditional masculine and feminine traits.
C) Both partners should discuss roles.
D) When problems arise, roles should be negotiated with sensitivity.

Question 32

Which of the following is NOT one of John Gottman's three styles of successful coupling?

A) Validating couples
B) Avoidant couples
C) Harmonious couples
D) Volatile couples

Question 33

Ethan and Lucas communicate frequently and have developed a pattern of listening carefully and reinforcing each other's differing opinions. They are an example of which of Gottman's styles of successful coupling?

A) Validating couples
B) Avoidant couples
C) Harmonious couples
D) Volatile couples

Question 34

Henderson and Gilding (2004) describe trusting online relationships as:

A) hyperpersonal.
B) extrapersonal.
C) endopersonal.
D) counterfactual.
E) contradictory

Question 35

Stafford says that people in long-distance romantic relationships:

A) have more realistic perceptions of the flaws of their partner.
B) have idealized images of each other.
C) usually break up because of the stress of a long-distance relationship.
D) are more suspicious and less trusting of their partner than in a face-to- face couple.

Question 36

In the 19th century, falling in love depended on, and at the same time increased, one's sense of having an individual identity.

Question 37

Regardless of the era in which they lived, people have always experienced love in the same ways.

Question 38

Occasions that can move one toward intimacy (like Valentine's Day, spring fever, or one's senior year) are examples of intimacy readiness cues.

Question 39

Braiker and Kelley believe that sharing episodes is unimportant because doing things together (behavioral interdependence) seldom leads to attitudinal and cognitive interdependence.

Question 40

Filtering theory holds that people use sequentially ordered criteria to sift out people who are unattractive and with whom they are not willing to form an intimate relationship.

Question 41

According to the matching hypothesis, people will pursue relationships with others whom they feel are their relative equals in physical attractiveness rather than trying to form a relationship with the most handsome or beautiful person possible.

Question 42

Brant Burleson and his colleagues have found that similarities in cognitive complexity are strongly related to attraction; if people have similar levels, even if these levels are low, they tend to be satisfied with the relationship.

Question 43

Terry likes to control and dominate other people. Terry is an abdicrat.

Question 44

Jacinta can't stand to be alone. She wants to be with others all the time. Jacinta is oversocial.

Question 45

Secret tests tend to first occur during the intensifying stage of a relationship.

Question 46

During the intensifying stage of a relationship, partners begin to speak of "we" and "us" and to develop verbal shortcuts and private codes.

Question 47

During the integrating stage of a relationship, partners in romantic relationships begin to organize their daily lives around each other.

Question 48

In the experimenting stage of a relationship, partners are beginning to tire of one another and start looking around for other people to date.

Question 49

In the initiating stage of a relationship, partners start self-disclosing and communicating honestly about their feelings for one another.

Question 50

During the stagnating stage of an intimate relationship, couples fight a lot and point out to one another how different they really are.

Question 51

During the bonding stage of a relationship, couples try to make a good first impression on one another.

Question 52

When "calling" was the preferred style of courtship in America, women controlled and regulated the entire process.

Question 53

When "dating" came into style, it transformed the balance of power between the sexes.

Question 54

Kitchen-sinking is not an effective way to deal with a conflict.

Question 55

Gunnysacking is a good thing to do if you want to manage a conflict wisely.

Question 56

Studies suggest that although females do initiate first dates, second dates are less typically initiated by females.

Question 57

The authors of your text suggest that there are essential differences between the communication patterns that develop in romantic relationships and those of friendship relationships.

Question 58

Trusting behavior and trustworthy behavior are synonymous.

Question 59

Reciprocal liking assumes the basic premise of healthy self-esteem.

Question 60

Civility is the end stage of relational progression.

Question 61

It is beneficial, according to Berzon, for couples to adhere to certain, fixed gender roles throughout the life of their relationships.

Question 62

The gender role dialectic focuses on the tension between accepting traditional gender differences and finding new definitions of masculinity and femininity.

Question 63

According to Gottman, criticism is a positive tool couples can use to express their feelings regarding their partners' specific actions.

Question 64

Complaining is one of Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."

Question 65

Describe Duck's filtering theory of attraction. What kinds of characteristics make people attractive at each stage of filtering? Do you believe that people who have been eliminated by one filter can ever be reconsidered? Discuss.

Question 66

Discuss the notion of "dialectic tension" in intimate relationships. In particular, comment on the ways people can manage the expressive/protective and the autonomy/togetherness dialectics.

Question 67

Discuss how dating and romance have changed across time, using information from the two boxes in this chapter.

Question 68

Discuss the pattern of relational dissolution in Knapp's model. Name each stage and describe what happens in it. Offer at least three suggestions for ways couples can slow down or reverse the process of relational dissolution.

Question 69

What is conflict containment? Be sure to include in your response a discussion of the following methods: gunnysacking, fractionating, and negative inquiry.

Question 70

What kind of conditions lead to intimacy? Be sure to include Braiker and Kelley's research as well as some discussion of intimacy readiness.

Question 71

Identify at least three factors of attraction and explain how they apply to interpersonal relationships.

Question 72

Discuss Rawlins' stages of friendship. Do you agree or disagree with this progression? What conclusions can be drawn from this developmental model?

Question 73

According to Jeanne Marecek, what three ways do traditional gender roles typically affect same-sex dyads?

Question 74

Examine each of Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," mentioning specifically their fundamental characteristics and the ways in which they are detrimental to relationships.